The everyday battle is often not lived out loud. Walking by someone they might have the biggest smile you ever seen while underneath they are wondering how much more they can take. Things that pop up or not on a planned schedule. It comes swooping in with little warning. Sometimes it shows up and takes over and no matter what technique, trick, approach, or  action it does not slow it down. Sometimes it grows and grows till you just break. Yes, there are times it goes away quickly. The rollercoaster of emotions you feel throughout a given day can grow you, it can show you how strong you are and yet it can break down that confidence and those walls just as fast. So why do I post about these things? I for one struggle with my aspects of mental illnesses. Illnesses is not really a word I would even want to call it.. I’m not ashamed of this fact. I’ve tried so called quick tactics to help you in the moment, I’ve read books, I’ve tried medicine. Nothing fully calms my mind, my restless thoughts, the darkness that seeps in. There are things that help. Praying, meditating, journaling, etc.

A few weeks back I had thoughts I hadn’t had in a long time. What would it be like if I wasn’t here? I don’t want to die. I have made no actions to back these thoughts up. I know that this isn’t my home. Thoughts that I’m failing. Thoughts about am I making a difference. These thoughts were not manifested by me. In fact they came after a great week of journaling and prayer. So I strive to remain close to Jesus. Some days I do better than others.

You never know what someone is battling. How has someone's day gone? Maybe they were mean, maybe they were rude. I try to remain centered each and every day. I still hold the door for people, say hi, give a wave to the little kid staring at the Giant. Even I have my off days. I can’t define what it’s like, I can’t explain what it’s like, all I can tell you as I’m not alone and neither are you. Many others and maybe even you reading this struggle with their mental illness. First of all, don’t isolate…YES even I need to read that. Find community, find hobbies etc. Second, don’t wait till you're at the bottom to ask for help. Third, don’t be afraid to share with others how you struggle. Fourth, remind yourself that you are worthy, you are enough, and you matter!! Fifth, don’t listen to this tall guy who has yet to solve anything. 

I also have decided to cut off some social platforms. It’s only been a few days but I have realized just how much I don’t really need them. Maybe I’ll write more…….crickets….crickets…

Welp there is so much more I could share…maybe another time. Keep on keeping on!! YOU GOT THIS!!!

988 is the suicide and crisis hotline number. Write it down, memorize it, share it!!